"Only those who dare, truly live."
Perfect.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Identity
I've been thinking about people and their passions.
I had an interview the other day for another ASUCI internship. It was for the Chief of Staff intern for the Office of Student Services. This is the office that I think I aspire to be in because it plans all the campus-wide events, like concerts, which I definitely want to work in. I sat down for my interview and the first question he asked me was, "So, what we really want to know is what your favorite ASUCI event has been and how we can improve on any problems." Shit. I realized I had only gone to one ASUCI event, which was Shocktoberfest. Other than that, I've never been to any film screenings or forums or sporting events. I've been hanging out in the dorms or doing club oriented things since school started. Shit.
Am I a not as passionate as I wish to believe? I mean, I want to justify my lack of event attending for the reason that I am a freshman and it's only been a quarter. But... how is that the only event I've attended thus far? I say I want to get involved with campus event planning, but don't I need to be already attending them to have.. any passion for it? Gees, I must have looked so stupid in front of him as I answered the question. I feel so ridiculous.
And then, I started to think about music. I say that I really like music, either making it, playing it, or just listening to it. But, let me think about this. I really do think music is interesting but some things make me question how passionate I am. I don't know how to play guitar well, and I should be being pro-active and finding a guitar teacher and getting better. I love listening to music, but I'm not one of those people that always have their ipods on or have thousands of songs in my itunes. I don't understand the definition of certain types of music genres nor do I listen to the oldies, which are the inspirations to the artists of today. All of these little things make me feel like I'm not as passionate as other people that I know.
Sometimes, I feel like I have this image of myself that I think I am but I have yet to fulfill this image in reality. Is this some form of identity crisis? Making me think I am only pretending to be more passionate than I actually am?
I don't want to say that I don't love leadership. That I don't want to do campus-event planning or intern for ASUCI. I don't want to say that I don't love music. Of course, I love all of these things. I just.. I just wish that I could be MORE passionate and TRULY pursue what I love and really be able to EXPRESS that passion through my words and actions.
In short. I just feel like a wannabe. I don't wanna be a wannabe. I want to be.
I had an interview the other day for another ASUCI internship. It was for the Chief of Staff intern for the Office of Student Services. This is the office that I think I aspire to be in because it plans all the campus-wide events, like concerts, which I definitely want to work in. I sat down for my interview and the first question he asked me was, "So, what we really want to know is what your favorite ASUCI event has been and how we can improve on any problems." Shit. I realized I had only gone to one ASUCI event, which was Shocktoberfest. Other than that, I've never been to any film screenings or forums or sporting events. I've been hanging out in the dorms or doing club oriented things since school started. Shit.
Am I a not as passionate as I wish to believe? I mean, I want to justify my lack of event attending for the reason that I am a freshman and it's only been a quarter. But... how is that the only event I've attended thus far? I say I want to get involved with campus event planning, but don't I need to be already attending them to have.. any passion for it? Gees, I must have looked so stupid in front of him as I answered the question. I feel so ridiculous.
And then, I started to think about music. I say that I really like music, either making it, playing it, or just listening to it. But, let me think about this. I really do think music is interesting but some things make me question how passionate I am. I don't know how to play guitar well, and I should be being pro-active and finding a guitar teacher and getting better. I love listening to music, but I'm not one of those people that always have their ipods on or have thousands of songs in my itunes. I don't understand the definition of certain types of music genres nor do I listen to the oldies, which are the inspirations to the artists of today. All of these little things make me feel like I'm not as passionate as other people that I know.
Sometimes, I feel like I have this image of myself that I think I am but I have yet to fulfill this image in reality. Is this some form of identity crisis? Making me think I am only pretending to be more passionate than I actually am?
I don't want to say that I don't love leadership. That I don't want to do campus-event planning or intern for ASUCI. I don't want to say that I don't love music. Of course, I love all of these things. I just.. I just wish that I could be MORE passionate and TRULY pursue what I love and really be able to EXPRESS that passion through my words and actions.
In short. I just feel like a wannabe. I don't wanna be a wannabe. I want to be.
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