UNI.

I started this blog to track myself during senior year.
I've gone through so many ups and downs.
It's interesting. Even though my blogs are usually only a couple words long, I still can remember how I felt while I wrote each word.

So. now, after senior year. This is what I've come to:

Thank you, UNI, for four wonderful years. I started out freshman year too scared of the high school workload and unwilling to get too involved. However, after seeing how fun leadership+council+ASB was, I knew I wanted to be a part of it. So, sophomore year, I decided to run for elected council. Best decision of my life. I realized that by stepping out of my comfort zone, I learned more about myself that I didn't even know I had in me. The friends I gained, the starchy ugly hands I had from work days, the annoying chicken wire cuts.. .all of it was worth it. I felt like I belonged at UNI. And thats what I wanted: to not be just another student at UNI, a bystander. I wanted to be my own person. I wanted to grow.
Junior year was so. much. fun. I felt so close to all my friends. We went out afterschool every day to have lunch at some random place or simply hang out at christine's house. We hung out everyday. We drove around, listened to music with the windows down. As Charlie says in Perks of Being a Wallflower, he felt "infinite." I did, too.

And then senior year. It didn't start out that great. I didn't feel like I was making extra special use of my last year at UNI, my last year in high school. I was losing myself. I didn't know who my friends were. I didn't know what they'd become and it boggled me. Why now? Wasn't I supposed to be the happiest person ever during my senior year? Shouldn't I have felt closest to the people I'd spent practically 5 years of my life with? No. So unexpected.

I'm sad that I don't talk to Granger as much as I did last year.
I'm sad that I've cried over lost friendships and over the fact that I have never had a best friend.
I'm sad that we have drifted. So sad.

I remember at the end of my junior year thinking, "Dang, I am so jealous of the seniors. They really know what they want in life. They have so much fun everyday, hanging out, chilling, relaxing. So confident, so cool." I thought my senior year would be exactly like that.

I mean, I know I just said that my senior year just wasn't as fun as I expected it to be. However, ultimately now, thinking back and trying to focus on the positive things, I realized:

I've met so many new people that I've grown so close to. And I'm so happy for that.
I've grown closer to people I've always known and farther from people I've always been close with.
I've become more comfortable in my own skin. Developed a real sense of personal style. Walk around more confident, not cocky.. just..comfortable.
I've participated in a lot. I've got to spend my year with a great group of people on ASB and helped make a difference at UNI.
I've spent more time with myself.
I realized that while giving people the benefit of the doubt too much, I was letting them hurt me.
I have become more accepting.
I've watched the office with Linny during 6th period and we only need 4 more episodes to be done with the 4th season!
I've rekindled my friendship with you and that makes me so happy.
I am more me.

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them." - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I'm going to miss high school.