Wah. Major Wah.

It really sucks how much I like this kid.
I haven't met a boy like him before, someone that I can like so much yet feel so comfortable around. Usually, when I'm around a boy I like, I get really nervous and can't think of anything to say. I mean, he definitely gives me the butterflies but I'm still feeling.. idk... warm and just..good around him.

I can stare into his eyes.
It's so hard for me to maintain eye contact with anyone, especially someone I like. But, all I want to do is stare into his eyes and CONTINUE to as long as I can without starting to look like I'm staring into his soul and then creeping him out. He's just got me so engaged and so engulfed in conversation with him and I never want to break that eye contact.

He LOVES WEIRD PEOPLE.
WHAT MORE CAN I ASK FOR?!?! I've ALWAYS ALWAYS said how what I want to find in a guy is a GOOD WEIRDness. He's got it. Wow. I can be weird around him and flail my arms without being embarrassed. I can make weird sounds and random, unrelated comments and feel perfectly fine. And he makes me laugh. and he laughs at me. Makes me feel like I'm FUNNY!!! when I usually just feel stupid when I try to crack a joke. He's so down-to-earth and genuine.

And he's respectable. Someone I would love to show off to my friends. Someone who's got a really good character: amiable, insightful, fun, humorous, outgoing, easy-going, great conversationalist. I would be sooo lucky..

But I'm not.
Thats why it sucks.
He likes someone else.
She's way more awesome and way cuter.

I guess, all this time, I've been just a good friend.
Don't get me wrong, I really am glad and grateful to be his friend.
But.
Yeah. just..
sigh.

And he may never know how I feel about him.
Because I want him to have his thing with her. And he's so happy and it makes me happy.
He talks about her like I talk about him.
I'm going to set my feelings aside.

Sigh.

What's a girl gotta do.
Sigh.

Pride Rock

There's more but I'm currently too lazy to upload. :)

SPOP STAFFER 2010-2011.

http://i43.tinypic.com/23w42ty.jpg

My biggest goal for my freshman year: SPOP.
Stands for Student Parent Orientation Program, here, at UCI.
Basically, I get to be an orientation staffer. Incoming freshmen visit the campus for orientation during summer and stay over in one of the halls in Mesa Court. The Staffers are assigned to one hall and to those kids they have to watch over for those two days. Get to help them choose classes, make new friends, figure out opportunities to pursue, hang out, bond, etc.

There were 605 applicants (including Returners that have to reapply) and only approximately 130 positions. Not all the returners get chosen again, but that definitely factors in to how many spots are left after that..Basically, chances were super slim.

I honestly, honestly, didn't think I got it. My interview was better compared to the other three, not so passionate people in my group interview. I wasn't confident that THAT interview would be good enough to get me in compared to the other 605 applicants. I hope it was my online application and resume that helped :) And maybe... they saw how passionate I truly was in my interview, just couldn't express it entirely...

I feel so lucky. So excited. So pumped. So stoked. So happy.

"].

hoho!

Thehe I like professional cameras.... :D.
This is Remy! From Melody's hall. Her and Mel are like two of my ... 3 good girl friends in college loool..

Can We Chill

Happy days.
Good friends.
Late nights.
Tea parties.
Jamming.
4 AM hangout sessions.
Soccer games.
Racquetball.
Good conversations.
Happy days.
Most certainly.

Wah.

I want a valentine :(.

I GOT AN A- ON MY HUMCORE PAPER.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL SOMEBODY.
I GUESS THE INTERNET WORLD WORKS.
I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
@*(#!#^$&@#

My Fortune Cookie from Mesa Commons:

"Only those who dare, truly live."

Perfect.

Identity

I've been thinking about people and their passions.

I had an interview the other day for another ASUCI internship. It was for the Chief of Staff intern for the Office of Student Services. This is the office that I think I aspire to be in because it plans all the campus-wide events, like concerts, which I definitely want to work in. I sat down for my interview and the first question he asked me was, "So, what we really want to know is what your favorite ASUCI event has been and how we can improve on any problems." Shit. I realized I had only gone to one ASUCI event, which was Shocktoberfest. Other than that, I've never been to any film screenings or forums or sporting events. I've been hanging out in the dorms or doing club oriented things since school started. Shit.

Am I a not as passionate as I wish to believe? I mean, I want to justify my lack of event attending for the reason that I am a freshman and it's only been a quarter. But... how is that the only event I've attended thus far? I say I want to get involved with campus event planning, but don't I need to be already attending them to have.. any passion for it? Gees, I must have looked so stupid in front of him as I answered the question. I feel so ridiculous.

And then, I started to think about music. I say that I really like music, either making it, playing it, or just listening to it. But, let me think about this. I really do think music is interesting but some things make me question how passionate I am. I don't know how to play guitar well, and I should be being pro-active and finding a guitar teacher and getting better. I love listening to music, but I'm not one of those people that always have their ipods on or have thousands of songs in my itunes. I don't understand the definition of certain types of music genres nor do I listen to the oldies, which are the inspirations to the artists of today. All of these little things make me feel like I'm not as passionate as other people that I know.

Sometimes, I feel like I have this image of myself that I think I am but I have yet to fulfill this image in reality. Is this some form of identity crisis? Making me think I am only pretending to be more passionate than I actually am?

I don't want to say that I don't love leadership. That I don't want to do campus-event planning or intern for ASUCI. I don't want to say that I don't love music. Of course, I love all of these things. I just.. I just wish that I could be MORE passionate and TRULY pursue what I love and really be able to EXPRESS that passion through my words and actions.

In short. I just feel like a wannabe. I don't wanna be a wannabe. I want to be.

We all have our days when we need to vent to someone.
I understand.
You should, too.

Screw you..

wow yesterday was such a good first day of school. minus the homework and minus my lack of productivity DOING the homework.

but it was a good day.

COME ON.

I WILL WORK HARDER THIS QUARTER.
YET STILL HAVE LOTS OF FUN.
JUST GOTTA MANAGE MY TIME APPROPRIATELY.

Welllllll...

I haven't updated for around 10 days.. haha I wrote down brief entries for each day.. but I don't think you guys need to read all of that.

Basically:

Grenoble, France was great. <33333 Was there for 6-7? days.
I love my cousin's so much. It was basically my sister, Toan, Hoan, Tam, Luc, Maelsan, and Loupgiang everyday.
Christmas we celebrated on Christmas Eve. We had a fabulous dinner. I love everyone.

Everyday has consisted of:
Waking up, eating breakfast, going for a walk with the cousins, going back to the apartment for lunch, going on a walk, coming back for dinner, watch a movie or whatever.
Each day I've eaten baguettes, butter, jam, salami, yogurt, coffee, chocolate, and tea. Shit.. so much food...
It was great family bonding time with my cousins.

I'm too lazy to write anything else..
Here are some pictures:






































































Oh P.S.: my mom has a new boyfriend..

I really like Germany...because of my cousins :)

DAY 7: AVATAR.

Woke up and took a walk around Koln in the snow. I could not feel my feet!!!!
We had lunch with the family at this traditional German restaurant. I had a huge plate of fish with salad and potatos. The germans eat a lot of potatoes apparently. Afterwards, we returned to the apartment (toan, hoan, mai-lan, tam, mom, and i) and we helped my sister make dark chocolate brownies. THEY WERE SOOOOO GOOD!

Afterwards, Mai-Lan, Tam and I went with Toan and Hoan to their apartment in Dusseldorf. It is soooo spacious, especially for college kids (they're 22 and 25 years old). I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM! They are sooooo hilarious and I love love love hanging out with them. We all decided to watch Avatar. The movie theatres were so far away... probably like 20-25 minute drive! The movie started at 7 and ended at 10... we sat for 3 WHOLE HOURS! but. DANG IT WAS A GOOD MOVIE! My cousins and I, not my sister, loved it and kept making random remarks about it like wanting to be blessed by the Eywa and fly with the dinosaur bird creatures, hahah. We got back and had a simple dinner. I felt so happy with my cousins. It was really cozy, the five of us without our parents/grandparents around.

My sister and Hoan went to a party while Tam, Toan, and I stayed back to relax. They asked me if I wanted to do anythign special and I was like, "dude if you guys want to even sleep, I'm up for that." and Toan was SOO HILARIOUS! He was like "REALLY?!?! YOU WANT TO SLEEP?! OKAY!!!" Because they just had some beer so they were tired :P hahahah. We talked for a bit and went to sleep :)

DAY #8: SO MUCH SNOW...almost like a BLIZZARD!

I woke up. Tam told me to look outside, and BAM!!!! SO MUCH SNOW! All in one night!!! It was coming down so quickly, so hard, even making whistling sounds!

The five of us had breakfast together, some bread, cheese, turkey, salami, coffee, tea.. :) Why are they so wonderful.. I'm seriously so happy to have spent time with them. They are so incredibly fun. Toan is obsessed with his hair and uses three types of waxes along with two separate hairsprays on different segments of his hair. LOLL. He talks about his hair with terms like "structure." He takes it really seriously. akdjsfl Words cannot express how cool they are.

We decided to ride back to Koln (Tam, Mai-Lan, and I). We had to say goodbye to Toan and Hoan, in case we didn't see them in Grenoble (where i'm going on tuesday morning). I really want/need them to come to Grenoble. I have already started missing them. They may not want to drive to Grenoble because of the snow....

ANYWAYS, snow was SO FUCKING FLUFFY AND SOFT! We were walking to the car and kadjflks it's just so bizarre to me! We drove back so slowly because the roads were really dangerous and thick with snow along with like not being able to see shit because the car was covered with snow and the air and shit... But we made it back safely, thankgoodness!

Had pho when we got back to my aunt's place. Yum!

DEC. 18, 1990.

Not gonna lie.. this birthday prettttty much sucked! woo.
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edit!!!!!.. later :) better ending.
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DAY #6: 19th BIRTHDAY.

MY mom woke us up at 6 FREAKIN' AM to get ready for our train trip to Koln, Germany. The fack! We ended up waiting until 9 AM to get picked up by my aunt. Went to the RER, boarded that.. took it to the train station... waited for the train there which was late... got on the train... took over 3 hours with an added 40 minute because of technical difficulties along with whatever minutes it took for the train to take three stops before Koln. We finally arrived around 1:40 PM and then drove to my aunt's apartment here. Phew. Not a good start.

We had a very meaty lunch of weiners and turkey spam looking things. Sat around with my cousin, Tam, and watched movie trailers with her.

I was feeling super down because my day was just sucking so much.. when I went onto facebook and saw birthday comments... I know that sounds super retarded...but I sincerely got so happy, especially to see videos from my dear friends :). It reallly helped. I felt so ...somewhat lonely here without my friends. I know it sounds bad... that I should technically be thankful to spend my birthday with my family but.. I don't know..sometimes I feel like birthday's are meant to be spent with your close friends.

AND THEN THE OTHER SURPRISE! The doorbell rang and in came Toan and Hoan!!!! The brothers of Tam!!!! I was SOOO HAPPPPY!! They were supposed to arrive tomorrow but they only told us that to keep it as a surprise! :D :D :D. Toan makes me crack up SOOO MUCH! Just looking at his facial expressions or listening to him talk makes me laugh.

Tam, Toan, Hoan, Mai-Lan, and I decided to take a walk around the town. We ended up walking around the "Christmas Market." Basically, it consists of little house looking vendors with warm food and drinks for passerbys. The little tiny street area is filled with people sippin' on MUGS of hot wine or eating greasy fried food. But it was so so wonderful. There were lights above the street and just the spirit of the holiday's all around. My cousins are SO fun to talk to/hang out with/ joke around with. They are greattttt. It definitely made my day so much better.

After a great little break outside, we returned to the house for dinner. Had a bit of pastries for our "birthday cake" and then I showered.

Overall, an O.K. Birthday only because of my cousins. Other than that it sucked! haha..

Byzeeway, tried to assert myself to my sister today.. didn't work.. guess it'll never occur in her mind at all.. worth the try!

Thank you for your birthday messages. :D It really brightened my day.

DAY #4 & #5

DAY #4: UNCLE-NIECE BONDING















Started today with v-chatting with Kim for a couple HOURS! Thanks dude. Entertained me for a really long time and thank you for listening to my rants. :) We understand each other about sisters, haha.

Spent the majority of the day staying in while my sister and mom left. I'm too lazy today.

Then, I went out with my uncle for a walk around the town. We walked to a park that's from the second century! And it used to be an arena for gladiators and lions and shit to battle in!!!!! Crazy!!!! It was a nice little walk for some bonding with my uncle :)

We ate beef stew for dinner, washed the dishes, and then I just napped for a really long time. Then I showered...and went to sleep.

hhaha nothing too exciting for my fourth day here.

DAY #5: SNOWWWWWWW!





























WOKE UP TO SNOW!!!!!!! THIS IS MY FIRST WHITE WINTER. I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED.

We visited our relative's apartment and had a wonderful, delicious lunch.

Then, my uncle took us to the Champs-Elysee. Nice, cold, snowy walk on a beautiful street.

I'm too lazy to write anything today.

We're going to Cologne (Koln), Germany tomorrow by train.

--

Sidenote: Been feeling increasingly neglected these days.

DAY #3: THIS IS A LONG ONE!

DAY #3: Les Dorians




























HMM... what were the order of events..
I woke up early once again... ate breakfast... OH YEAH. Went to Luxembourg park with with my mom and sister. MANNN I WISH I HAD MY CAMERA. IT WAS MAGNIFICENT! The weather was BEAUTIFUL, such clear skies, but super super cold. We sat on some chairs next to the fountain. I listened to music as they read. The fountaing water was half frozen, half not. The white pigeons here are so pretty!!! It was a very nice walk :).

So my cousin, Vinh, the one who's staying in Cali with us, came home to Paris for the holidays, too! He came to us around 2 PM and we went walking to the Louvre and I saw the Eiffel Tower in the distance along with a ferris wheel. ahhaha I was having a lot of fun walking around and visiting the really nice stores. Paris is beautifulllll during the holidays with lights hanging on the buildlings and twinkling decorations and beautiful people walking the streets. Seriously, everyone here is so fashionable and so good looking. They definitely pwn the states.





























Two stores I remember mostly:
COLLETTE: SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. It's like an Urban Outfitters except 100x better, organization, decorations, more gorgeous workers, wayyy more expensive. LEAH YOU WOULD HAVE EFFIN' DIEDDD. LIKE WOWWWWW. I wish I could have taken photos. (I was sneaky and took a quick shot of the shoes.. blurry but there they are!) It's more of a museum than a store. SERIOUSLY.
UNIQLO: It's like H&M and American Apparel combined. Cheap, lots of colors, lots of clothes, really crowded.



















































We walked for like 2 hours straight and it got SUPER cold. Though, I don't mind walking here. In Irvine, when you walk to places, it seems way too far and inconvenient because no one else is walking the streets and you have nothing to look at. In Paris, you've got people overflowing the streets and stores on every corner and street. No wonder parisienne people are in such good shape!















We returned home and I was definitely falling asleep while standing on the bus. Ate dinner with my grandparents and then my sister and I went to meet up with Meg and Annie (the american girls) at a sushi restaurant in Muftard (sp?). We didn't eat, just chatted. Then we went to the Fifth's bar next door... they had their drinks. My sister bought me one and forced me to drink it. Another point: a lot of people tell me to drink but they don't pressure me any further than just simply mentioning it. My sister legite-ly forces me too. I didn't drink that much of the mixed drink she bought me (a cosmos?). I was perfectly fine. I realized I will only drink it slowly to look like I'm drinking, but I'm not actually taking it in ahha :)

Sidenote: I really don't need to drink to have fun. I don't need to be under the influence to have more fun. I can simply get high on life by myself and I love it. So, don't ever pressure me into drinking to have a good time or to be less awkward in awkward party sitautions. I don't need it.


















Afterwards, we took the metro to the pier where Mai-Lan's/Meg's guy friends' band were performing at a bar on a boat. Went to that, had to pay 8 dollars to get in. The girls got more to drink and I just rocked it out naturally. The bands were aiite.... Les Dorians, the last band that performed, was their friends. Practically no one stayed to watch them by that time (11PM) and it was a pretty awkward show. The lead guitarist/singer's A guitar string broke.... Really sucky.
After the show, we ran to catch the last metro and finally arrived home.

Long day.

P.S. I came to the conclusion that I don't know if I'd want to study abroad in Paris. Knowing that the social scene is basically: smoking, casually drinking, house partying... is not my scene. I need something more calm. I don't know what exactly.. because I feel like all other worlds out there drink a lotttttt. Or just basically that the social life IS that, even if it casually drinking. I don't like alcohol! What am I to do!!?? I definitely want to practice french still.. just where now.....

My First French "Party"

Gone.

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